There's something strangely calming about walking outside after its snowed. Edmonton got a huge dump of snow this weekend ... making this March the most snowy March EVER. When you walk outside for a bit, there's this hint of quiet beauty in the air. Maybe I'm just imagining it, but the crisp cool air with the clean snow just seems to bring me a feeling of peace. I'm in a weird mood again tonight. I'm not sure what it is, but I kinda feel like the world is rapidly changing around me and there's nothing I can do about it. Have you ever had the feeling where you're drifting away from the world? That's how I feel now, I think.

A lot of the friends I've known in past years have drifted away so much that I either don't even know where they are anymore ... or I do, but I just don't talk to them much. If it weren't for the odd msn collision, I would probably never hear from them again. It feels weird ... like pieces of me are being torn apart. And yet, I can't seem to get off my ass to change things. I should be able to, shouldn't I? I mean, all I should be able to do is make a little concerted effort to have coffee with my friends of old.

Maybe it comes down to energy? At the end of the workday, I find that I don't have enough energy to do much more than sit down, play some video games and go to bed. I would love to get off my behind to go do a project, or learn to play the guitar, or something. If anything, maintaining old friendships seems to be harder than any of these tasks ... and if I can't do these projects, how can I do something harder?

And yet, it bothers me. What can I do about it? I don't know. It tears me up inside though.

Heraldk